Raise your hand if you want women to have more babies.
[crickets]
Try again. “Raise your hand if you want to deal with sleep deprivation, formula shortages, and a childcare bill that looks like rent in Manhattan.”
Now we’re getting somewhere.
Yet here we are: The White House is now crowdsourcing ideas on how to get Americans to tie the knot and crank out babies like it’s the 1950s again. Axios recently reported on this new push, while the New York Times highlighted an oddball event in Austin called the Natal Conference — a cocktail of Christian conservatives and Silicon Valley tech bros all united by a single mission: Make America Fertile Again.
Which, on the surface, sounds funny. But underneath? There’s a very real problem.
Are Americans Not Having Enough Babies?
In short: nope, not even close.
America’s birthrate has been steadily declining for years. We’re currently below the replacement level — that’s 2.1 babies per woman to maintain a stable population. Right now, we’re floating somewhere around 1.6.
Translation? We’re not making enough little Americans to replace the ones aging out. No new workers. No new taxpayers. No one to tend the fields when your back gives out. No one to help you unlock your iPhone when Face ID doesn’t recognize your post-menopause wrinkles.
And the kicker? According to the CDC, for the first time ever, women over 40 are having more babies than teenagers. Yes, really. Grandma’s on her second act while Gen Z is out here baby-free and anxiety-ridden.
Why the Decline Though?
Let’s break it down:
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Cost of raising a child? A 2023 estimate puts it at about $310,000 to raise a kid to age 18. That doesn’t include college. Or therapy.
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Childcare? Forget it. It’s like paying a second mortgage.
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Housing? Millennials can’t even buy a house, and now you want them to build a nursery?
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Dating pool? Have you been on Hinge lately? That alone is enough birth control.
And then there’s the elephant in the room: fear, uncertainty, climate anxiety, and economic instability. It’s hard to plan for a baby when you’re not sure if eggs will be $6 next week.
Is This Just About Demographics, or Is There Something Else?
You’re not wrong to wonder if this is about more than just fertility rates. There’s been a lot of whispering about the “great replacement theory,” the idea that certain people fear their demographic is being “replaced” because white people are having lower birth rates than other populations. That toxic narrative has been fueling everything from policy decisions to panic tweets.
But on the more pragmatic side, there’s also this: immigration has slowed, and with fewer immigrants and fewer babies, who’s going to work the jobs?
The Bible already said it: “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few.”
Well, the laborers didn’t disappear. They just stopped coming… or being born. And that’s where the urgency is coming from.
But in This Economy? Really?
Yes. Really.
The narrative goes something like this: if we don’t make more babies, we’ll lose our competitive edge. Jobs are coming back from China. Thanks to the tariffs. We can be a manufacturing superpower again!
But do you know who staffed all those factories in China? Young people. Lots of them.
America wants to keep up. But someone has to show up.
Now imagine trying to get people to have babies in the middle of housing inflation, wage stagnation, and “Buy Buy Baby” going out of business like Forever21.
Still, we get it. We need more people. More dreamers. More workers. More TikTok dancers. More engineers. Somebody’s got to figure out how to make printer ink affordable again.
Okay, Let’s Say You’re In. What Should You Stock Up On?
You heard it here first: TARIFFS ARE COMING. And if you’re planning to have a baby (or even thinking about it), now’s the time to buy like the apocalypse is coming — just start with diapers.
Here’s what to grab before prices explode like your toddler’s diaper after puréed peas:
- Diaper bag with built-in USB charger –this is Gen Alpha, not Gen Amish.
- Convertible stroller/car seat combo – think of it as your baby’s first Tesla.
- Diapers – buy in bulk because the baby isn’t waiting for your payday.
- Noise machine for colicky nights – trust me, this is cheaper than therapy.
- Baby-proofing kit – your child will find everything sharp.
So… Should We Be Having More Babies?
I mean, someone’s gotta inherit your plot of land. Or take over your Etsy store. Or just make sure Social Security doesn’t collapse like a Jenga tower.
But here’s the thing: asking people to have more babies without changing the systems that make parenting hellishly expensive is like asking folks to buy beachfront property during a hurricane.
It’s cute. But it’s not gonna work.
However… if we actually want to make life affordable, restore faith in the future, and maybe offer free strollers and college tuition, hey — we might just get a baby boom.
Until then, I’ll be over here babysitting my hope and bills while budgeting like a prepper.
