There’s a scene you can imagine: President Tinubu, stepping off a gleaming new jet in China, sunglasses on, dripping with confidence. And what’s his mission? To borrow money. Yes, you read that right.
The Nigerian president is flying out in style, in a brand-new plane, to secure some extra funds, says Sahara Reporters
“The President buys a brand new jet, takes it to China to go and borrow money, who does that?”
Who you dey ask? Me? Anyway make I answer: The smart ones.
Now, some might think this is a contradiction — shouldn’t you be humble if you’re asking for a loan? Maybe fly commercial, economy class, like the rest of us? But no, dear reader, this is where you misunderstand the art of the hustle. In Nigeria, you don’t just ask for money; you demand it with flair. President Tinubu has truly mastered the art of borrowing in style.
You see, showing up in a rickety vehicle, tattered agbada dragging behind you, is the quickest way to get turned down by any serious lender. The logic is simple: if you look broke, you probably are broke. How will you repay? The bank or the lender will look at you from head to toe and say, “Hmm, this one has come to beg.” And nobody loans money to beggars. But when you show up like a billionaire — crisp suit, shiny shoes, designer wristwatch — well, they can’t say no. Will they?
This is the way of the world, dear Nigerians, and Tinubu knows it very well. Just like the wealthy business moguls who never pay for anything out of pocket (no, that’s for the common folk), they borrow other people’s money to fund their empires. There’s a brilliance to the madness: by projecting wealth, you attract wealth. It’s like the law of attraction, only with more borrowed cash involved.
How To Make Banks Respect You: Borrow More Than You Can Repay
Just imagine- you walk into a bank looking like you’ve just crawled out from a hole, sweating profusely, with your slippers patched together. You ask the manager for a loan of one million Naira. What does the bank manager see?
Risk. Plenty risks. Red flags.
They see your aboki-patched slippers, your sweaty forehead, and immediately think, “This one can’t even afford Made in Aba shoe, let alone repay a loan.” You’re rejected on the spot. In fact they will call the Meguard to kick you out.
Now flip the script. You roll into the bank with a sleek briefcase, wearing Italian leather shoes and a custom-made agbada that whispers, “I’m important.” “You sabi who I be?”
You roll it up and down ask for ten billion Naira. The bank manager, slightly blinded by the gleam of your wristwatch, nods approvingly and decides he’ll give you twenty billion instead. This is someone who means business. This is how billionaires do it — they borrow massive amounts they have no intention of repaying anytime soon. But who’s counting? Me? May be you. Continue!
Tinubu, borrowing in style, is simply following the tried-and-true formula of the elite. The bigger you look, the more they trust you with even more bigger amounts. After all, if you look rich, the assumption is you must be smart with money, right? (Don’t answer that.I won’t either)
Nigerian Logic: Borrowed Robes, Borrowed Funds, Borrowed Time
There’s a deeper lesson here, folks.
President Tinubu’s jet isn’t just a mode of transportation; it’s a statement. It says, “I’m doing well enough to fly in a new jet, therefore I’ll definitely repay this loan.” Never mind that the purpose of the loan might just be to fund another round of high-level shenanigans back home — that’s beside the point. The point is perception. And perception is reality, especially when it comes to borrowing money.
In Nigeria, it’s common knowledge that loans are rarely used for their intended purpose. President Tinubu’s borrowing spree, some might say, isn’t destined for infrastructure, but instead, well… let’s just say there’ll be some happy boys in the Senate and some even happier side chicks soon enough. A loan of that magnitude trickles down the system, like an economic circle of life, only instead of investing in business ventures, it’s more likely to be spent on more luxury cars, more wives, and lavish parties. It’s what economists would call cultural redistribution — keeping everyone involved, from the senators to their girlfriends, in the loop of borrowed wealth.
Las Las, We Know the Endgame
The genius of the Nigerian system is that nobody really expects the loan to be repaid, and therein lies the brilliance. The cycle goes on: the president borrows, the funds are distributed generously among his political allies, the political allies distribute it to their side chicks, and the side chicks then distribute it to their other boyfriends (because let’s be real, loyalty in this economy is flexible). In a few months, everyone has eaten their share of the loan, except the poor masses who are still waiting for those promised new roads and electricity. But don’t worry, the next loan is always just a jet ride away.
It’s almost a tradition now — just like our love for party rice and the yearly ASUU strikes. So, why complain? Go on, Mr. President, do your thing. You’re just following the playbook handed down by decades of Nigerian political masterminds.
Conclusion: The Art of Borrowing in Nigeria
In the end, borrowing money is an art form — especially when you do it in style. President Tinubu’s China trip, jet and all, is a strategic move straight out of the billionaire handbook. Show them you have the means, and they’ll give you more than you need. And if anyone asks about repayment, well, just tell them it’s “in the works.” As long as you look good, nobody will ask too many questions.
So, here’s to the president, flying high and borrowing higher. After all, if you’re going to borrow money, you might as well do it like a boss. Just don’t forget to throw some of that loan cash down the line to keep the system well-fed. From the Senate boys to the side chicks, it’s all part of the grand Nigerian tradition.
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